


Compass

by DangerTaylor



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dark Rey, Dream World, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fingering, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Hux deserves to die, My First Work in This Fandom, Oral, Post TLJ, Pregnancy, Sex, This will have a dark ending, Trauma induced abortion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:48:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22126489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerTaylor/pseuds/DangerTaylor
Summary: The Force bond that connects Rey and Kylo has been utterly silent after the Battle of Crait, driving Kylo close to madness. When Rey finds a forgotten memento aboard the Falcon, it sparks dreams of a cabin, a golden field, and a young Ben Solo. Perhaps the Force opens another channel of connection to ensure that fate is satisfied.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the very first fic I wrote in the Reylo fandom, originally posted in February of 2018. It has been hanging out over on FF.net for a long time.  
> There are 18 chapters of this story written and I will be going through and editing and posting between my other updates. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy my first dive into this amazing fandom.
> 
> Tags will be updated as I go along and discover what I wrote in this story.

**One**

What was left of the Resistance packed on to the  _ Millennium Falcon _ and raced away from the Crait System. Chewie sat in the co-pilot seat while Rey maneuvered them past the floating rubble that used to be the Supremacy. 

A tear escaped her eye as she thought about all of the loss of life that day. She doubted her decisions. If she stayed with him, how many could have been saved? But Rey couldn’t think of that at that moment, she had to get her friends to safety. 

Chewie called out next to her, about to jump them into hyperspace. “Brace yourselves!” Rey called out over the ship’s comm system. 

The  _ Falcon _ seemed to wheeze when it was finally pulled from hyperspace. Rey and Chewie looked at each other, both knowing that the ship would need repairs before doing any other jumps. 

“Where are we, Chewie?” Rey had depended on her co-pilot to get them to safety since he had traveled all over the galaxy, and she only knew Jakku. 

“ _ Kashyyyk. My homeworld.”  _ The Wookiee roared as they descended through the thick cloud cover to a planet with blue oceans and dense forests covering much of the surface. 

Rey was still in awe that there could be so much water and greenery in the universe. “Was it wise to bring us here? Won’t they think to look for us here?”

Chewie just shrugged his shoulders and took over the controls to direct the ship to a part of the planet that he knew they would be hidden in. 

Leia came into the cockpit and placed her hand on Rey’s shoulder, “The Wookiee have always been friends to the Republic and the Resistance.”

Taking the Wookiee’s lead, Rey helped to bring the  _ Falcon _ down in a clearing. The trees surrounding them were strange-looking, thicker than other trees she had seen, twisted trucks and short stubby canopies, each reaching for just a little more light from the planet’s one star.

_ “The Black Forest will shield us from detection.” _

“The planet’s magnetic field makes the Black Forest a dead zone to any electronic sensors,” Leia added.

Rey’s gut still turned with unease. She did not have to remind Leia that Kylo Ren did not use electronic devices. She had yet to tell anyone about the connection she had with Ben—with Kylo—while on Ahch-To.

The bond went silent when she felt Luke’s Light leave the Force. Snoke was so confident that he was the designer of the bond. But even after Snoke’s death, as she fought side by side with Ben, Rey still felt utterly connected to him. She was sure that if Luke was the creator of the bond that he would have told her why she needed to be connected to Kylo, but he seemed clueless until he saw them together in her hut. 

They finished shutting down the flight systems, and she unfastened the four-point harness that held her in the pilot seat. Chewie followed her, and they went to address the other Resistance fighters. 

Leia hung back for just a moment. Pulling something from her pocket, she turned the gold dice around in her hand for a moment before hanging them in their rightful place in the cockpit of  _ Falcon _ . A name crossed her lips, barely above a whisper, “Ben.”

When they lowered the ramp, the forest was quiet…almost too quiet. Chewie barked out an order and grabbed his bowcaster, going down the ramp first. 

He made a few friendly, but warning calls to any other Wookiees that might be waiting for them in the tree cover. Before too long, a response came.

_ “Chewbacca, is that you?” _

_ “Lohgarra?”  _ Chewie called back in reply.

A Wookiee with pure white fur came from behind a tree, her weapon drawn, but lowered it when she saw her long lost friend. 

Rey peeked down the ramp and saw Chewie and a pale Wookiee embracing and squawking at each other in Shyriiwook. They were communicating too fast for her to follow, but she guessed by their interaction that the Resistance was welcome on the planet. 

She walked cautiously up to her hairy friend, and then he started gesturing to Rey and speaking even faster to the other Wookiee. “You both have to slow down. I only speak some Shyriiwook.”

Having lived and worked beside a wide range of otherworldly beings, Rey was very accomplished in understanding close to fifteen languages. 

Chewie called out that it was safe for the rest of the crew to come off the ship, and Rey yelled the command in Galactic Basic. Ten others walked off the  _ Falcon _ on to the soft soil of Kashyyyk. 

Leia walked up to Lohgarra and wrapped her arms around the elder Wookiee. “It has been too long, my friend.”

Lohgarra motioned with her arm and gave a grunt, instructing the group to follow her. 

Through a cover of thick brush came trees so large that they would dwarf a Star Destroyer. Winding staircases connected different levels of platforms built into the trees. On each platform stood small buildings, some no bigger than her stone hut on Ahch-To. 

Survivors in need of medical attention were filtered off into a hut on a lower level, while Chewie, Leia, Rey, Poe, and Finn were ushered to a higher level. The structure they entered was built around the truck of the tree, and offered a fantastic vantage point of the surrounding forest. 

Rey was in awe, and even gasped as she saw the bright yellow sun setting beyond the canopy of foliage. The Force within her blossomed as she surrounded herself with the pure wild of the land, which was also connected to the massive trees and the beings that inhabited them. She quickly reined in her signature, not wanting to send out a signal to  _ him _ . 

Leia translated for Chewbacca and Lohgarra since she was most familiar with the Shyriiwook language. 

_ “What brings you to Kashyyyk?”  _ Lohgarra asked. 

Chewie quickly recapped the events of the past few weeks. 

_ “So, this is all that is left of the Resistance?” _

__ Leia stepped forward, “Yes.”

_ “And Luke? The Jedi?” _

__ Both Leia and Chewie look back at Rey, who was still engrossed by the view from the treetops. “It’s her.” Leia stated with a mix of dread and hope. 

Lohgarra furrowed her brow.  _ “You may stay for a while, but we are not equipped to take on the First Order.” _

__ “We only need enough time to tend to the wounded and repair the  _ Falcon _ ,” Rey stated, picking up on the last part of the conversation. 

* * *

It was days later, and Chewie and Rey were still pulling apart the  _ Falcon _ , trying to find and repair what had been pieced together by the junkers on Jakku. 

Rey was working on the cockpit console, and removed an access panel to get to the wires and boards behind. She pulled at a steel sheet, cursing under her breath at the neglected ship. When the white but rusted panel gave way, she was met with a rat’s nest of wires. “Gods, this is a mess,” she said to herself before attempting to determine which connectors need replacing. 

At the back of the compartment, there appeared to be a piece of paper. Rey reached through the maze of wires and reached for it with her fingertips. 

It was a holograph, folded in half, and looking very worn. On the half that Rey could see, there was a grassy field with a forest in the background. The trees were not like the large ones on Kashyyyk, but smaller like the woods on Takodana. 

The memory of Takodana came rushing back to Rey. Maz and the castle, the call from Anakin’s lightsaber. The visions the Force showed her when she touched the saber also flooded her mind. Her screaming like a child, the rain struck battleground and the then-unknown masked man in black stalking her down, saber drawn. The cold forest of Star Killer Base, and again, Kylo blocking her every attempt to escape. And then there was the voice that whispered to her—what had it said—something about the ‘ _ first steps’ _ and she swore she heard  _ ‘It’s Ben.’ _

Again she shook him from her mind as she looked at the holograph. Unfolding the picture and looking at the white backing, she saw in neat script,  _ Tralus -15 ABY. _

She turned the holograph over so she was able to see the whole picture. Sucking in a breath, Rey almost dropped it to the ground. Standing in the middle of the tall grass was a much younger Leia and Han. But what struck her was the boy between them—Ben. 

His head only came up to Han’s mid-chest. His hair was still dark and shaggy, blowing in an unseen wind that crossed the field just as the photo was taken. There was a carefree brightness to his eyes, and the smile that he wore almost brought her to tears.

Rey knew it was Ben, but the shadow of a man that she knew as Kylo Ren was nowhere in this picture. Her chest ached in an unfamiliar way. As a tear slid down her cheek, Rey quickly shut down her emotions, not wanting to send off a Force signal. She refolded the holograph and slid it into her pants pocket. 

In her room that night, Rey took out the photo again and tried to imagine herself in place of Ben. What would it have been like to have parents like Leia and Han? Kylo’s voice rang in her ears,  _ ‘You would have been disappointed.’ _

Sitting on her bed, which happened to be a padded mat on the floor of her hut, Rey placed the photo between the pages of a Jedi text. Her accommodations were on a platform over a hundred feet off the ground, and Rey was ever thankful that she was not fearful of heights. 

That night’s sleep was fitful. Rey found herself in that field, feeling the warm breeze that had ruffled Ben’s hair in such a childish way. But the boy with dark hair and dark eyes was nowhere to be found. 

“Kira!” Han called happily, and a small girl with brown hair came from the woods and ran into waiting arms.

“I found flowers, Da!” The girl said excitedly, and held up a handful of white blossoms. 

Han inspected the flowers and then smelled them, “Your mother will love these. Why don’t you take them to her.” Han placed the girl back on the ground, and Rey saw the child start to run towards a wooden structure. 

Rey woke with a start. She was covered in sweat, and had tears streaming down her face. 

She didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, opting to walk along the platforms in the tree village. Firstly wondering why Han had called her—the girl—a different name in the dream.

* * *

The field plagued her dreams almost nightly. Sometimes Han and Leia were there, other times it was just her. Then, after being on Kashyyyk for nearly four weeks, the dreams changed. 

On this night, she was a child again, a vision of her younger self. She was playing where the field met the forest, chasing a grasshopper as it jumped from blade to blade. 

Toddling into the shadows of the forest, she laughed as she watched the little bug hop on to a tree. Then she let out a little gasp. From behind the tree came a boy, maybe five years older than herself. He was dressed like the boy in the photo.

“Hey,” the boy said kindly. “What are you doing?”

Rey was pulled from inside the girl’s body, and she watched the interaction as if floating above them.

“I’m trying to catch that grasshopper,” the girl stated. 

The boy looked around, seeing that the insect was much too high on the tree trunk to catch. He looked back down at the girl, “I’m Ben.”

“Kira,” the girl answered, using the strange name that somehow felt familiar to Rey. 

“Do you want to play?” Ben asked.

The girl smiled, reaching out and tapping the boy on the chest. “Tag! You’re it!” She yelled before running out into the field. 

Ben gave chase, laughing in a way that almost sounded angelic. 

Rey watched, unable to move, unable to wake as the two children ran around the flower dotted glen. Laughing and lightly tapping each other in an endless, joyful game of tag. 

A movement off to the left caught Rey’s attention. Leia came out of the wooden home and was calling out to the girl.

“Kira! Time for supper!”

The girl grabbed the boy’s hand, and together they ran for the home.

“Who is your friend?” Leia asked, seeing the flushed cheeks of both children.

“This is Ben. Can he stay for supper?” The girl asked, still not dropping the boy’s hand.

Leia smiled, “Sure, why don’t you both get washed up.”

The children ran into the home, still hand in hand. It was only when Leia closed the door that Rey woke. 

Her heart was racing, and her right hand was sweaty and  _ warm _ . She quickly figured out that tonight would be another long night of walking the platforms. 

__

* * *

Twenty-eight sleeps since his defeat on Crait. It was challenging to gauge day and night in the cold emptiness of deep space. The  _ Supremacy _ was destroyed, and with it all of the evidence of his betrayal. 

The Force bond with  _ the girl _ was deafeningly quiet. Kylo Ren paced in his quarters, bordering on madness. He was questioning if his current mental state was due to the constant interrogations from Hux concerning the death of Snoke, his new ascension to Supreme Leader, or his fear that the bond had been severed in death. 

Kylo Ren ceased his movement; the thought of the girl being dead set a pain deep in his chest. He mused that if she were truly gone, he would have been able to feel it, just like he felt his mother’s pain when he ran Han through. 

Han, his mother—Rey. All of the pain that he caused was raining down on him, and he felt the swells of darkness attempting to pull him under. 

Just thinking her name, for he had not let it cross his lips since the  _ Supremacy _ , caused a new flood of discomfort. He had begged, would have gone down on his knees if he thought it would help sway her to his side. But she rejected him, just as everyone else in his shallow life. 

He needed to get out of his head. He wasted too much of his time on the dwindling hope that the girl— _ his girl— _ was still alive, and that by some great mercy of the Force, their bond was still intact, but dormant. 

Kylo Ren donned his new helmet and left his quarters, moving swiftly down the corridors with an awkward lumbering gait. His long black cloak flowed behind him, and he would almost look elegant if it also didn’t appear that his feet were too heavy to move correctly. 

Making his way to the bridge was like second nature, and his legs moved on their own accord. The perfectly slicked back orangish-blonde hair of General Hux seemed to mock Kylo. Under the mask, he was a mess, having not bathed or shaved in days. Outwardly he appeared to be the vision of a menacing Knight striving for revenge, but on the inside he was floundering. 

“Nice of you to join us, Ren,” Hux quipped, not taking his eyes off the light of stars in hyperspace speeding by the ship’s bridge porthole. 

Kylo let the snide remark slide with a roll of his shoulders. He never had a good relationship with Hux, and with Snoke gone, if he was unable to keep Hux in check, Kylo feared what was to come of himself and the First Order. 

“What is our course?” Ren asked, his voice just as flat as his fatigued mind would let him be. 

Hux finally turned to look at his black-clad companion. “I am not sure you need to be privy to that information.” Hux turned again, looking at the star maps on the display screens. “You have managed to botch every mission concerning the Resistance, and Command had lost faith in you.” 

Kylo’s hands tightened in his black leather gloves. He was attempting to not take his rage out on everyone working the bridge. Hux knew what he was doing, choosing his words carefully, prodding at the verbal and emotional abuse they both received while  _ training _ under Snoke and Hux’s father. But he also wanted to remind Hux of his power, so Kylo reached out with the Force, just enough to induce discomfort. 

Hux made a gagging sound and then rounded on Kylo with wide eyes. When the choking sensation passed, the expression of indifference returned, “If you are done with your childish tricks, I do have a job for you.”

Ren turned his masked face toward Hux and cocked his head slightly to the side, intrigued. 

“With Captain Phasma out of commission, the troopers need a new leader…”

“I will not lead an army of thoughtless troopers. My unique abilities would be wasted on such a task.”

Hux exhaled, annoyed, “You will be selecting a new Captain.” The General almost had a smile pull at the corners of his lips with the next statement. “Again, the Command does not trust you with anything remotely important to the rebuilding of the First Order.”

Kylo swiftly threw back the right side of his cloak, exposing his lightsaber. Hux had the curtsy to flinch in anticipation of Ren’s reaction. Usually, Kylo would fly into a fit, igniting his saber, slashing, and destroying the closest inanimate object. Instead, he just smirked behind his mask, satisfied that Hux still feared him. 

“Consider it done,” Ren drawled while spinning and stalking out of the bridge. 

Once the automatic doors to the bridge closed behind him, Kylo’s gait became more lumbering, his shoulders rolling forward just slightly. Although he was only an inch taller than Hux, in his mask and boots, he appeared to tower over the sniveling General. 

Kylo Ren may be the new Supreme Leader in title, but Hux still controlled the troopers. If he was ever going to make changes to the First Order and have a chance of Rey ruling beside him in their New Order, he needed to pick his commanders carefully. 

Back in his quarters, the mask that hid his guilt and conflict made a hissing sound as the mouthpiece moved up and out, allowing Kylo to free his head of its confines. 

He removed his cowl, tunic, and undershirt before sitting on his bed and pulling his boots from his feet. Taking an elastic band from the table next to the bed, Kylo tied his hair into a knot on top of his head. 

Sitting down on the floor in the middle of his room, Kylo hated that he devoted so much of his time looking for her. A few times a day, he would sit like this, in meditation, searching for her Force signature. He could no longer feel his uncle, and his mother’s signature was faint, but there.

Was Rey hiding from him? Had she learned how to put up a block? Who was teaching her? Surely not his mother. 

Kylo worried for her, knowing how strong she was with the Force and how confusing it could be not to know how to channel that power. 

His time at the academy felt like Luke was trying to mold him into something that he was not. With Snoke, again who Kylo was expected to be did not fit. Now more than ever, he felt torn in two. The Light and the Dark both fought for control, and he just wished for balance. 

Over an hour of meditation turned up nothing. Kylo felt Force users in the galaxy, but none of them were  _ her _ . He stood from the floor and entered the fresher to ready for bed. 

Twenty-nine sleeps. Thirty sleeps. Thirty-one sleeps. Kylo felt his sanity slip each day without feeling Rey through the Force. He practiced in his mind what he would say to her if she were to let him in. He would fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness. He would rage at her for being so foolish and reckless going back to the Resistance. He would tell her that he…that he…no—he couldn’t tell her that.

Another night of silence awaited him. At this point, he felt that he was going to drown in loneliness. Rey told him that he wasn’t alone, but in the quiet of his darkened room, with no one on the ship that could understand the battle that was raging within him, it was the most alone a person could ever feel. 

For some reason, that night he dreamed about a holiday that he took with his parents when he was ten years old. It was in the Corellian System, but he could not remember the name of the world that they spent almost a month on. 

This holiday was right before his mother went away to handle the Black Fleet Crisis. Right before he was shipped off to his uncle at the academy, this was the last time they were together as a family. The last time that he felt love, hope, and fulfillment. 


	2. Two

**Two**

Kylo Ren makes the thirty-seventh mark on the back of his wardrobe door. One scratch made into the dark wood for each day that he had been without the Force bond—without her. 

That day he had to play Supreme Leader and oversee a demonstration from the Trooper Lieutenants. He’s already taken the liberty to read each Lieutenant’s dossier and just needed to see their style of leadership. Above all though, he needed to have an opportunity to get into their minds, find the one who questions the current positions of the First Order. 

His facial hair was getting longer and it started to rub on the inside of his helmet. He mused that it may be time to get cleaned up and face the truth that she was gone. Perhaps the bond was linked to Snoke, but then why did he feel her on Crait, long after Snoke was dead?

Had he angered the Force? Was this a punishment for having a part in killing Luke Skywalker? He hated to be out of control. He wanted to know what was next, what could have been, and he wanted to change so much.

Pressing the latch on the side of his helmet, it moved the mouthpiece into place and he had to push any thoughts of Rey and the Resistance from his mind. 

There were four guards waiting outside of his door. He didn’t need the protection, but it was more of a show of force as two marched a few paces in front of him and two behind. 

The exercises were to take place in the cavernous hangar of the _Finalizer_. Four companies of troopers lined up perfectly in front of their respective Lieutenant and Ren walked along the front of each company, pretending to give a damn about how clean their armor was or how straight their formation. 

He already knew that the two Lieutenants that he was looking to promote were TN-1002 and FN-932. The deserter FN-2187 had been under the command of TN-1002 and Kylo wondered if this company commander had the same mindset as the traitor.

There was a throne like seat in the middle of the hangar and Ren was escorted by his guards to the chair. Once seated, he waved his hand in a passive but regal manner. “Proceed,” he stated before muting the vocalizer in his mask. 

By the time the second company was setting up to run their drill, Ren was drifting. The sleepless nights were wearing on him and besides he found this type of formality a bore. 

It wasn’t surprising to him that within his dream he was back in the field on Tralus. Since his last dream of this place, he looked at the star maps and was able to pinpoint the world. 

It was always day on Tralus, at least in these dreams it was. Usually it was quiet aside for the sounds of the wildlife and elements. In this dream, the wind was blowing a little faster than before and on the breeze came the sound of what he could only describe as giggling. 

He was deep in the woods and he moved towards the sound. He hoped it would be Rey, but mused that he would be just as satisfied if it was his mother. Still under the cover of the darkness of the tree line, he could see two figures in the middle of the field. 

At first he thought that it was just another memory of his mother, as the dark haired woman was sitting with a young boy, a young Ben Solo. Then he heard her voice, with the accent that was richer than her humble scavenger upbringing.

His Rey was sitting in the tall grass with ten year old Ben and they were talking about star crafts. She was teaching him about hyper drives and the boy looked at her in absolute amazement. 

Her musical laugh echoed around the forest as little Ben stood and started to run around her with his arms outstretched. “I wish I could run at hyper speed!”

“That would be something indeed,” Rey said with a genuine smile. “But just think about having to slow down.”

“I would never slow down,” little Ben said as he came back to Rey and fell to the ground next to her. 

They were both quiet for a moment and Kylo didn’t dare even breath. Little Ben looked up at the crystal blue sky, “Kira?”

Rey shifted to look down at the boy, “Yes, Ben?”

Kylo was very confused as to why his younger self was calling her by a different name. Perhaps she wanted to keep her identity a secret. 

“Do you think…when I’m grown…that I will meet someone like you?”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked.

“I think I could love someone like you,” Ben said, almost absentmindedly. 

Kylo had shifted forward at the boy’s statement and a twig snapped under his weight. Both Rey and little Ben turned towards the sound and there he stood, frozen. 

Rey’s eyes went wide and Ben screamed, before gripping his arms around her neck and starting to cry. Rey stood, with the boy still in her arms and whispered, “Don’t worry. I will protect you.”

Just inside the tree line was Kylo Ren, mask and all. He did not pace towards her, or draw his saber. He didn’t even reach out with the Force to detain her. Holding Ben closer to her, Rey started to step backwards, away from the formidable figure. 

“What are you doing here?” She yelled across the space between them.

Ren tried to speak, but no sound came from his lips. His mask acted as a muzzle. He feared that she would try to run from him, so he took a step forward and reached out his hand to attempt to reassure her. 

His action had the opposite reaction. Rey closed her eyes and crouched down to further protect the boy in her arms. 

* * *

Rey woke weeping. She had the dream world to herself for almost five weeks and she had just started to spend time with little Ben in her adult form. She wished and prayed that there was a small piece of that little boy still inside Kylo Ren. 

She tried to imagine what that boy would grow up to be if he had not felt so abandoned by his family and been tortured and manipulated by Snoke. 

None of that mattered in that moment. Kylo Ren appeared in her dream and she had to investigate if he was a figment of her mind or their bond was reconnected. 

* * *

Kylo jerked in his chair, being thrown from the dream. He moved his head only slightly side to side to see if the other commanders noticed his inattentiveness. 

His mind raced. Was she really there? Had their bond been rekindled? Or was he just that desperate to see her that he dreamed her up?

The second company completed their entire drill and he felt his anxiety getting the better of him and he just wanted to run from the room, get into his transport craft, and search the entire galaxy for her. 

He unmuted his mask and rose and all of the guards and companies quickly stood at attention. “TN-1002 and FN-932, report to my office at 1300,” he commanded and was satisfied that his voice did not crack. 

As he started to walk from the hangar he heard some grumbles from the other Lieutenants, but he could care less. He needed to get to his quarters and get his swimming mind out of the damned cage of his helmet.

He was already pulling at the helm as he crossed the threshold to his quarters and the mask was thrown across the room as he yelled out his pain. 

Why did he have to appear to her as Kylo Ren? If she could have seen his eyes, heard his voice, she would have known that it was Ben—her Ben.

If the bond opened again, he could not look like the shadow of himself that mocked Kylo in the reflective surfaces around the room. He moved quickly to the fresher, leaving a trail of black clothing in his wake. 

The water was scalding. He scrubbed every inch of his pale body. Too much blood on these hands for them to ever be clean, he mused. He took a laser razor to his matted beard. Her mark that scarred the right side of his face was more visible. He ran his finger along the divots in his skin. The burn of the memory was almost comforting.

His eyes held so much more than their usual self loathing. He was fearful and hopeful at the same time. He wanted to be able to sleep immediately, for the smallest chance to see her again. 

Their interaction in the dream was not promising. She still feared him, hated him even, but the way she interacted with his younger self, how she smiled at him, held him close, protected Ben from Kylo Ren, he wondered if there was still a part of her that cared.

Having little over an hour before he needed to report to his office to meet with the two Lieutenants, he slipped on some underwear and sat on the cold black floor, falling into a meditative state as quickly as he could. 

His mind reached, searched, and hoped. He found his mother’s Force signature and he prayed that Rey was close by. Then it hit him like a blast from a bowcaster. Her Light was there but she was bathed in Darkness—fear and anger. He knew he was the cause of these emotions and he wanted nothing more than to bring back her Light. 

* * *

After waking from the dream Rey needed to expel some of the built up anxiety of seeing Kylo in her dream. She moved for her staff and then descended to ground level. She found a secluded place on the far side of a cluster of trees. 

First she cried. Seeing him again and with the mask that haunted her for months, was more than she could bear. She screamed out her frustration before swinging her staff and pummeling a young tree until it was reduced to splinters. 

Still with tears clouding her visit and staining her face she turned, almost embarrassed that she took the life of the tree. Her breathing stopped in an instant.

Maybe five paces from her Kylo sat on the forest floor. His hair was wet and he only wore undershorts that clung to his muscular thighs. Rey betrayed herself and she took an extra moment to gaze at all of him, never having seen a man in this state of undress.

His eyes were closed, his hands resting limply on his bent knees. He appeared to be deep in meditation. Rey pinched herself to ensure that this was not a dream. A yelp from the pain stimuli escaped her lips. 

Ren’s eyes shot open and there she stood.

Her clothing was rumpled and she was dripping with sweat. She held her staff, both hands tight on it’s grips, ready to attack. 

He stood and reached out his hand again, ready to speak, but he was not given the chance. 

“Murderer!” Rey yelled as she charged towards him, staff raised above her head. 

Ren could have used the Force to call for his lightsaber. He could have used the Force to hold her in place, much like he did on Takodana—but he did none of those. Instead, he remained weaponless, only using his hands and arms to block her shots. She needed this. He deserved this. 

Rey brought her staff down on him again and again. Kylo crossed his arms over his head to block a blow. She swung the staff around and tried a stabbing shot to his flank. He countered by arching his body around the staff. She watched as the muscles moved, each block or counter made a different cluster ripple under his pale skin. 

“Why are you not fighting back?” She was so angry but did not want to beat a defenseless man. She then scoffed at herself, Kylo Ren was far from defenseless. 

“I’m tired of fighting with you,” he answered, ducking from another swing of her staff. 

Rey’s arms went slack, her staff fell to the ground. She was so exhausted, not only from the physical demands of training and then beating on Ren, but she also emotionally and mentally spent. 

Kylo came out of his defensive stance. “I thought I lost you.”

Rey was fuming. “When was that? When you were shooting ion cannons at me or when you switched to laser cannons on the AT-ATs!”

“If I had known—”

“You knew I was returning to the Resistance!” Rey yelled but then looked around her, scared that he could figure out where they were. “Can you see my surroundings?”

“No, it’s always just you,” Ren whispered and turned away from her. It killed him to do so, but he knew that him being close to naked would cause her to be uncomfortable. 

“Hey! Where are you going? We are not done here!” Rey called after him. She saw him lift something and then he slid a black robe over his shoulders, closing the front of it with a tie, “Oh,” she remarked, her cheeks turning pink. 

“To calm your fears, I do not know where you are, but I do know you are with my mother.”

She had been so careful to shield her Force signature but never thought about Leia’s. An awkward silence fell between them, neither knew what to say to the other. 

“I’m sorry I frightened you in the dream.” Ren hoped that she heard the sincerity in his voice. 

Rey stood taller, “I wasn’t frightened. You should be apologizing to Ben—” she understood the error in her statement far too late. 

Ren smiled, a strange expression for him these days, “Please tell little Ben that I am sorry.”

That smile, the pull at the corner of his lips that caused his cheeks to wrinkle. How he slightly looked down and then up through his lashes at her. Rey sucked in a breath, “Ben?”

“Rey—“

And he was gone.

* * *

Kylo was left looking at the dark and empty corner of his quarters. “Rey,” he spoke again with the hopes that sheer desire to see her would bring her back. 

His focus was drawn away by a knock on his door. “Sir, the Lieutenants are waiting,” one of his guards announced. 

Now he was very thankful that he has shaved, since this was the first time since Crait that he had been seen without his mask. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

The guard bowed and then left the room. Kylo looked to the empty corner one last time before moving to redress. He could already see the formation of bruises on his arms from Rey’s strikes. While he knew that he would be sore the next day, he was thrilled that their bond still held a physical component. 

He was ten minutes late to his own meeting with the Lieutenants. Both TN-1002 and FN-932 stood and saluted when Kylo entered the room. 

“As you were,” Ren’s mechanical voice sounded. “FN-932,” he pointed a black gloved finger at the trooper.

The trooper with an orange shoulder plate followed behind Kylo into a larger room with a simplistic desk. There was a large window that over looked the armory. Kylo sat in a low black leather chair and gestured to the Lieutenant to take the one opposite him. 

“As you have possibly heard, I am seeking to promote one of you to Captain in Phasma’s wake.”

“Yes, sir.” Came the masculine voice of the trooper.

“How long have you been a Lieutenant?”

“Four years, sir.”

“How many missions have you commanded?”

“Seventeen. All but one have been successful.” 

While they were exchanged conversations, Ren was already reaching into the Lieutenant’s mind. Softly, as to not be detected. “Why do you believe that you failed the one mission?”

“Permission to speak candidly, sir?”

Ren nodded his head.

“Bad intel from leadership, sir.”

This line of questioning opened up the trooper’s doubts about the current leadership and the direction of the First Order. Unfortunately for FN-932, the doubt also fell on Kylo Ren.

“That will be all, FN-932.” Kylo waved his hand to dismiss the trooper.

As the one Lieutenant exited, the next entered. TN-1002 was shorter than FN-932, and wore a purple shoulder plate. Again Kylo motioned for the trooper to sit opposite him.

“I have been tasked to select a new Captain.”

“Yes, sir.” The feminine voice of the trooper took Ren by surprise. 

He asked the same questions of this Lieutenant. She reported that she had been in command of her company for just two years and that had only been tasked with nine missions due to directing a training company. 

“You had FN-2187 in your command, did you not?”

The trooper shifted in her seat, “Yes, sir.”

“Do you find that traitors often come from your company?” Ren wanted to invoke a fear response to open the troopers mind.

She again shifted, “No, sir. There was no indication in FN-2187’s training that he would defect. He even went through reconditioning.”

Kylo was in her mind, she was scared. She also thought that if it wasn’t for the at time barbaric tactics of stormtrooper training, that more would feel genuine loyalty to their commanders.

“If you were to lead the battalion, what would you change?”

“Psychological profiles, sir.”

“Meaning?”

“Some troopers, like FN-2187, are not fit for the front line. Finding the strengths and weaknesses of each trooper and placing them into positions where they feel fulfilled, I think will increase morale.”

Kylo was smug. He had picked wisely. This Lieutenant didn’t think like most troopers. “How many times have you been sent to reconditioning?”

TN-1002 again shifted uncomfortably. “Four times, sir.”

“Yet you became a Lieutenant. How is that possible?”

“As you are most likely in my head,” the trooper squared her shoulders, “there is no point in my lying to you.”

Ren remained silent but cocked his helmet slightly to the side.

“I am good at doing and saying what wants to be seen and heard.”

“Even if you do not believe in what you are saying or doing?”

“Having consciousness of thought as a trooper is not a highly sought after quality.”

Kylo enjoyed her frankness and moxie. He felt that she could be an ally in his move away from the First Order and towards a New Order. 

“I have differing ideas of the direction of the Order from that of Hux.” Kylo wanted to gauge her response.

The trooper could discern where his line of thought was heading, “He is my General sir, but you are my Supreme Leader.”

This time when Kylo entered her mind, he wanted her to feel it. She flinched. She had admitted to being able to say what was needed to accomplish a goal, but he wanted to be sure that her loyalty was steadfast. 

Her mind was clear and with every fiber of her being she was loyal to the Supreme Leader. She would be loyal to Kylo Ren. 

“You are dismissed, Captain.” 

The trooper paused a moment, understanding that she had passed his test and that she was being promoted. She wondered about where Kylo Ren wanted to take the First Order.

“In time—“ Kylo started to answer her unasked question, “all will be revealed.”

* * *

Finn was looking for Rey around the tree village since she didn’t show up for breakfast and he couldn’t find her anywhere. Then from below, he heard a yell and he ran swiftly down the stairs and out into the forest. “Rey!” He called out as he continued to run towards where he thought the cry came from. 

He found her in a small clearing, a demolished tree behind her, and her staff at her feet. “Rey,” he repeated, more carefully this time. Her face was stained with tears and she looked—torn was the only word he could think of to describe her. 

“I’m fine,” she stated in a tone that relayed that she was indeed, not fine at all. Rey walked past Finn back towards the village. She needed time to herself. She had to process that the bond and Ben were back. 


	3. Three

**Three**

Rey found herself up in the Wookiee village’s conference room, the same one that they had been brought to when the Resistance first arrived on this world. From up there, she could see for miles, yet she felt that she was blind to what was right before her. 

Her Force bond with Kylo—Ben was back. Snoke lied to them. Just another part of his manipulation, she assumed. Something else was fueling their bond, something even more powerful than Snoke. 

Her heart ached for Ben. When they touched on Ahch-To, she’d not only seen his future; she saw his past. The pain, both physical and emotional, was almost too much for her to comprehend. 

Ben’s future—her future—their future, they were so intertwined that she had difficulty determining one from the other. While she denied his hand on the Supremacy, she knew that it was a moot point. She would end up by his side in the end. 

Thus far, she trusted in the Force. She didn’t have any need to doubt the fate that had been laid out for her—for them. But how could she reconcile her feelings with the truth of what Kylo Ren was? He had killed, in cold blood, an obedient attack dog for the First Order. He killed his father in search of pure Darkness. 

How could she ever take his hand, smiling up at him as she saw in the vision? How could her heart want something completely different from her mind? 

Rey was pulled from her thoughts when she heard her name called. 

“Ah,” said Leia, breathing somewhat hard from walking up all the stairs. “Finn said I would find you here.”

“It’s a good place just to be, and think.”

“What is troubling you, child?” Leia sat down in one of the large chairs that was handcrafted from the local timber. 

Rey looked back out over the forest. “Just everything. I mean, a few months ago, I was a nobody on Jakku, and now…”

“You are the last Jedi,” Leia finished for her. 

Worrying her lip for a moment, Rey knew that she could not open up entirely about her bond to Ben, but she needed answers and didn’t know who to ask. “What about Ben?”

“My son is gone. There is nothing left of him. Kylo Ren has destroyed every piece of him.” Leia repeated the words that she had spoken to Luke and looked down into her lap. 

“But what if a part of him is still in there?”

“He killed my Han—his father, and attempted, twice, to kill me.” The words hurt for her to speak, but Leia needed the girl to understand how lost to the Dark Ben was. 

Rey was silent for a long moment. “He killed Snoke for me.”

Leia knew she should have asked for a debrief after Rey rejoined them, but the girl seemed so tired and overall unapproachable. “I think it’s time you tell me exactly what happened on the  _ Supremacy _ .”

Still unsure if she should tell Leia everything, Rey stuck to the more important facts. “I went to try and convince Ben—Kylo Ren to come back to the Light, but he took me to Snoke. Something must have changed his mind, and he cut Snoke down with your father’s lightsaber.” Next was the part where she may have to hide some of the truths. “We fought the Praetorian guards, side by side, and then he asked me to join him.”

“Join him?”

Rey looked down at her hands that wringed around each other. “To rule 

the galaxy with him.”

After a pause, Rey lifted her eyes to meet Leia’s. “I don’t understand.” The older woman was wavering between a concerned mother and a suspicious General. 

“Neither do I,” Rey lied. “I think he only was drawn to my power in the Force.” The untruthful words were bitter on her tongue, but after she saw the flash of concerns from the Resistance General in Leia’s eyes, she could not tell her about the bond. 

“So he lashed out at the Resistance after you denied him,” Leia mused. 

Tears came back to Rey’s eyes, “I keep wondering how many I could have saved if I just stayed with him.”

Leia crossed the room and wrapped Rey in a motherly embrace. “You did the right thing. I would never want Kylo Ren to enslave you. Your Light is too bright for that.”

Rey nodded and wiped the tears that had fallen. She didn’t mention that Ben asked her to rule as his equal, that they had a deeper understanding of each other, and a strained, unspoken but mutual attraction to one another. 

“I think I am going to meditate for a while,” Rey needed this line of questioning to end before she ended up divulging too much information. 

Leia nodded and watched the young girl leave. She crossed the room and went to stand where Rey once was, overlooking the Black Forest. The pain that had been festering in her gut was back, and she slumped over, taking a few deep breaths. The discomfort passed, and Leia wiped some sweat from her brow before leaving the treetop conference room for her quarters. 

Rey had to get somewhere she would have privacy. She was going to reach out to  _ him _ . She needed answers, and he owed that to her. 

She ended up on the Falcon. It was far enough away from the compound that no one would hear her talking to Ben through the bond, and she would appear to be just working on the ship like many other days. 

Sitting down in the middle of the galley, she closed her eyes and relaxed her body, letting her Force signature stretch across the galaxy. She felt him before she saw him. 

When she opened her eyes, she took in his appearance. He was bare chested but in black light-weight pants. He appeared to be lying down but propped himself up on his elbow when he sensed her. 

“Hello,” Ben said awkwardly. 

Rey shook her head and took her focus off the expanse of his toned chest, “Did I wake you?”

“No, but it is night here. Is it daytime where you are?” He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed and scrubbed his hand across his face, but made no move this time to cover himself. 

This meeting was so different from any of their others. There was no heated argument, no accusations of harm or throwing of insults. It was more like acquaintances making small talk after years of no contact—but these two people, in particular, shared an immense, boarding on an intrusive connection.

“Yes,” Rey simply answered. She looked over him again, seeing the discoloration on his arms and shoulders—the marks from where her staff made contact with him earlier that day. “You are hurt,” the statement held some concern. 

Ben looked down to his arms, the bruising showing a muddied purple on his pale skin. “Nothing I haven’t endured before.”

“Why didn’t you fight back?”

“I told you, I am tired of fighting you.”

“Why?” Rey was so confused. “I am your enemy.”

Ben laughed, still such a strange sound to both of their ears. “You are the farthest thing from an enemy to me.”

Rey’s face scrunched, still in confusion. 

“Perhaps I was not clear in Snoke’s throne room,” Ben moved from the bed, sliding down to sit on the floor before scooting the few feet until he sat crossed legged, only an arm’s length from Rey. 

“You wanted me to come to the Dark with you. Rule over the galaxy with the First Order. Betray, my friends—and your mother.” Rey’s fire was coming out now. “Does that about sum it up?”

Ben hung his head, his dark hair falling into his face. He let out a breathy snort of a laugh before lifting his head and using his right hand to pull his hair from his view of her. “Oh my little Light, at that moment, perhaps that was what I was asking of you.”

Rey did not miss the endearing term, and she found that it perplexed and exciting all at once. 

When she did not counter him, Ben continued. “First, let me tell you how sorry I am for not ordering the ceasefire on the Resistance fleet.” As he spoke, he reached out and attempted to grasp one of her delicate hands in his. 

The briefest touch set them both ablaze, and Rey felt the burn as she pulled away from him. 

Ben knew that she did not reject his gesture in malice, “I feel it too,” he reassured her that he too was very aware of their connection. 

It was beyond his recollection that those were the very words he spoke to Rey when he had her shackled to his integration table. Rey remembered all the horrible acts Kylo Ren committed during her short time with the Resistance. Each time she was with him, she felt herself slipping further into him, but remembering the deeds committed by the man with the charming and beautiful face allowed Rey to breathe. 

“You were apologizing,” she reminded him. 

“If I could go back and do it all again, I would.”

“Does that include killing your father?”

That question felt like a knife twisting in his gut. “Yes,” he almost whispered, meeting her gaze with just as much intensity. 

She was shocked by his admission. She was not expecting him to be so candid with her. 

“I have never lied to you, Rey.”

“Were you just reading my thoughts?” Rey asked with disgust. 

“No,” Ben smiled again, an action that he was becoming quite accustomed to in her presence. “It was written all over your expression.”

Thinking back to their interactions, whether it was physically or through the bond, Rey found Ben was correct in his statement. He had always been honest with her. She was brought back out of her musing by his outstretched hand.

“May I?” He asked as he motioned his bare hand towards the side of her face. 

Rey wasn’t sure what he expected to do, but she was willing to find out just to feel the fire one more time. She nodded her head curtly. 

Ben leaned forward a bit and let his hand skim against the side of her face. His bare skin one hers seemed to send jolts of electricity through them both, and Rey sucked in a gulp of breath. Ben smirked, meeting her beautiful hazel eyes for just a moment before his thick lashed lids slid closed in concentration. 

He opened his mind to her, a very vulnerable action on his part, but he needed Rey to see what he had wanted for them. He made no move to intrude on her thoughts, just gave her his. 

They were in the throne room; Snoke was prattling on as she knelt on the floor in front of Kylo Ren. 

“I know what I have to do,” Ren said with certainty. He never broke eye contact with Rey. He nodded his head slightly, hoping that she would know that he would never hurt her. 

“Ben,” Rey pleaded. 

How he wished he could drop to his knees with her, take her face in his hands and tell her that he could not exist without her Light. But he stood there with a flat but slightly pained effect across his face. His left hand twitched, turning his grandfather’s lightsaber. 

His fist clenched, and Snoke released Rey from his hold. Ren never even looked up to see his former Master in two pieces on the floor; he kept his eyes on Rey. 

The next moment, chaos broke out around them, and their fight with the guards played out. Rey could feel the worry and then amazement that Kylo felt watching her hold her own against some of the best-trained warriors in the First Order. 

Once the last guard had fallen, Kylo having ignited the lightsaber through the guard’s eye socket—this is where the memory started to sway. 

Kylo dropped the saber, the metal clattering against the rubble covered floor. He strode over to Rey, who was looking out at the Resistance fleet, which was quickly dwindling.

“Rey, come with me.”

“We have to save them. Order them to stop firing!”

“We will save them all, we will save the galaxy, but you have to come with me now!” Kylo was getting desperate. His voice was pleading, and he reached his hand out to her. “If we are going to take the bridge, we have to go now!”

A realization came over Rey, and she took his hand. As they ran from the room, they both used the Force to call their lightsabers to their free hands, hooking the sabers in their rightful places. 

They charged onto the bridge, seeing Hux standing by the porthole and calling out orders to charge cannons and fire on the fleeing Resistance fleet ships. 

“Hux, stop!” Kylo called out. 

The ginger noticed Ren hand in hand with a girl— _ the _ girl. 

To Kylo’s surprise, before Hux could make one of his snotty remarks, Rey had dropped his hand and used the Force to choke Hux. “Stop firing on those ships!” She commanded.

Just as in the throne room, chaos broke out, and Kylo and Rey fought side by side, advancing on the control boards at the front of the room. Hux was thrown against a wall and lay incapacitated. Ren was able to disable the firing systems, and Rey drew a sigh of relief as she watched the remaining transports speed to safety. 

Again Kylo staked to her, needing to be in her orbit. “Come with me.”

“Where? Do we need to take another area of the ship?”

“No,” Kylo pulled off his gloves and grabbed both of her hands, needing to feel her skin. “Leave with me. Let me teach you. Lead with me. Rule with me. Be with me.”

He opened his eyes and saw a single tear roll down her face. He caught it with the pad of his thumb, as he was still cradling her face in his large hand. 

“If only that were how it all turned out, but you made a major mess of everything, Ben.” Rey wanted to drive back into that vision and scream ‘Yes,’ but she knew that could not be. They could not be, and her chest ached at the thought. 

She had not pushed his hand away, and he was bathing in her Light. “I am trying to fix it.”

“You can’t bring the dead back to life, Ben!” Rey pulled away from him and stood, the burn between them extinguished. Pacing a small circle where she has been seated, she ranted, “People died that day. People always seem to die when you are involved!”

Ben stood as well, but did not move, just let her pace a few steps from him. “I was blinded by Snoke and a boyish desire for revenge against my uncle.”

“So, what has changed now that you want to put right what you have so haphazardly destroyed?”

“You, I have you.”

Rey stopped so suddenly that she almost tripped over her own feet. “I am not yours,” she shot out. 

“You once told me that I wasn’t alone…”

“You aren’t!” Rey fired off, “You have me.”

Ben smirked again. Rey was getting tired of seeing his smug face, although it was better than the brooding, self-loathing expression that Kylo Ren carried. 

“Rey, I still want you—“

The bond broke when Rey heard a loud crash behind her. Finn stood in the doorway that leads from the ramp with a sad expression on his face. He had knocked over a box of parts, and pulleys and wires scattered across the deck. 

“I heard you yelling,” Finn looked around the ship. “Who were you talking to?”

Rey scrambled to her feet. “No one,” she lied. “I talk to myself when I’m trying to work through something.”

“Anything I can help with?” 

Finn’s smile was crooked and friendly. His eyes were deep and kind. Rey compared this to the intense yearning in Ben’s eyes and the sensual feelings that his cocky smirk gave her. “No, just some personal things.”

Finn moved towards her and wrapped her in a warm hug. Tentatively she returned the gesture, the lack of spark was apparent, and it made any other human contact seem trivial. 

* * *

“—to join me.” Ben finished, but she was gone. 

At first, he stood paralyzed. Then his anger boiled over. His Force exploded, and the lighting in his room popped, raining sparks down around him. 

She listened to him, let him touch her, let him open his mind to her. She was considering him. She said that he had her, that he wasn’t alone. Damn this Force bond. He needed to find her. He needed to be with her. 

If he left now, all of this would be for naught. The First Order would go on under Hux’s control, and the evil and mass destruction would continue. 

No, he needed to stay. See his plan through. Create the New Order and carve out a place for Rey at his side. 

Ben forced himself to return to bed. He wanted to sleep, hoping that he would be brought to her in the dream world on Tralus. 

He found it strange that Light started to flash behind his eyelids. Opening his eyes, he also became giddy when he saw that he was lying in the grassy field of the Twin Worlds. 

Getting to his feet as quickly as possible, he ran further into the field, looking for Rey. He turned at the sound of his name. 

“Ben! Where have you been? Your father and I have been worried, sick.”

His mother came towards him, her arms outstretched. She was just as he remembered her. Her long hair braided and wrapped around her head. Her kind brown eyes mirrored his. She walked up to him and placed her hands on either side of his face. “You can’t run off like that.”

Ben froze. He recalled this memory. He wandered off, following a creek down to a large lake. His father had been very cross with him, mostly for worrying his mother. 

“I’m sorry, mother,” he replied on instinct. 

“Oh, it’s alright, my dear boy. Just next time, let your father go with you.”

His father had not been so forgiving. His punishment for running off was to split the wood for that night’s fire. After a while, he almost found the chore therapeutic. Snoke had already started to worm his way into Ben’s thoughts by this time, and it had been an excellent outlet to the rage that was beginning to build in him. 

In this dream world, he was a grown man subjected to a scolding from his father. He would take the punishment a million times over if he could only have the older man’s hazel eyes look upon him one more time. 

“You need to stop and think, Ben! Your mother couldn’t live if something happened to you.”

Ben noted that his father never relayed how he would have felt, should something happen to Ben even at a young age. It was always a connection back to his mother. 

For old time’s sake, Ben stepped up to the old chopping stump and pulled out the ax. The worn wood of the handle was smooth in his hands, and he felt the weight of the iron blade. 

The first swing rang true—the log splitting into three pieces from the sheer force of his hit. Halfway through the pile, with the Corllian sun beating down on him, he removed his shirt and continued chopping. 

Rey stood just in the shadows. She’s always noticed the ax next to the log home but never saw Han use it. But for now, she was transfixed by watching Ben manage the woodpile. 

His skin seemed to glisten in the sunlight, beads of sweat rolling down the planes of his back. Rey would be lying if she refused to call him handsome. Her body wanted to move of its own accord and reach out and touch him, just to feel their spark. 

But instead, she let him have this moment. She had been in the dream world just long enough to see Ben interact with his mother and father, and she wanted him to feel some normalcy. 

So instead of giving in to her most profound and most concealed desires, Rey walked back into the darkness of the forest, wishing to ride this dream out in solitude. 

  
  
  



End file.
